In My Veins
by linsteadloverr
Summary: His eyes follow her a little more than they used to. And she's having a hard time ignoring it now. Darvey.


**AN: Hi all! New to the Suits/Darvey fandom here. I just started Suits a few weeks ago and have found myself obsessed. Especially with Darvey.**

 **This is my first fic in a while because I have been so busy with school. But I was really excited when I found the time to write this! This story is what I could see (not necessarily hope) happen in the season 6 finale. It's also inspired by one of my favorite songs of all time, "In My Veins" by Andrew Belle.**

 **Anyway. I hope you enjoy! Sorry if there are any mistakes. Thanks for reading!**

Donna doesn't remember much of the actual wedding ceremony of her two friends, but she's sure the vows Mike and Rachel recited were more than heartfelt and filled with an abundance of emotion. The only thing she could focus on was the man standing across from her, the best man. She could feel his eyes on her for the entire ceremony and she ignored it at first, but eventually she gave in to her desire to lock eyes with him.

She gave him a small smile as their eyes met and he winked at her in response. She could feel her heartbeat starting to rise. " _Focus Donna,_ " she kept telling herself. She looked back at the bride and groom just as they kissed each other to signify their new commitment to one another, but she could still feel his eyes on her no matter how hard she tried to disregard it.

It has been twelve years, almost thirteen now to be exact, since he has become a constant presence in her life. Ever since 'the other time', she has ignored the longing glances that Harvey has thrown her way and all of the moments they have shared that had the potential to become something more. She needed to do that in order to preserve her sanity.

But something was different now. She noticed that he started to look at her more often with this look in his eyes recently. She couldn't exactly tell if it was actually love or just some form of lust. Deep down she knew what she hoped it was at least.

She found herself looking at him too for longer periods of time than necessary. She would get lost in the moment and find herself deep in thought about what her life would be like now if she didn't have that damn rule. Honestly she doesn't know what would've happened back then if she didn't, but she realizes that if she didn't have it to begin with, there is a chance that she wouldn't have Harvey in her life at all. The rule ensured her mind stayed focused; she couldn't constantly think of the what ifs. It kept her and Harvey in check and assured that they would never cross that line again if they remained coworkers.

Not that she has ever not thought that maybe just maybe she would want to cross that line again someday, especially with all the growth and progress he has made over the past few years. He wasn't ready back then, but she could tell that he might be almost ready now. But was she ready? There was so much anticipation for the moment to happen eventually, but now when she thinks about it, she doesn't know if she is ready and what taking the next step could mean for her. The possibilities could lead her life to either be ruined and it could shatter into thousands of pieces if something went wrong or she could have a life with a fulfilling and everlasting love.

The reception is small, but intimate. Since the wedding wasn't really a rather large affair, the reception also took place in Harvey's home. Both her and Harvey gave small speeches filled with mostly humor, but overall lots of love; they ate some incredible food and listened to some quality music in the background of all the chatter as well.

Donna found herself lost in her thoughts over what her life has been like ever since she stepped foot in the DA's office so many years ago as she watched the newlyweds slow dance in the middle of the living room. Her thoughts are interrupted as she hears her name, "Donna" coming from the voice of a man standing behind her. She turns and gives him a small smile as he continues, "Would you like to dance?"

She looks at him confused, "I thought you didn't dance Harvey?"

He just smiles back at her. She loves his smile. "I don't really dance, but that doesn't mean I won't dance with you. So come on." He gently leads her from the kitchen to the dance floor with his hand on the small of her back guiding her forward.

She freezes at first and a shiver runs down her spine. They never touch. She relaxes as she realizes that this may be a part of their new normal, these little, innocent touches. She hates to admit it but she lives for them now.

She slowly turns around to face him as he grabs hold of one of her hands bringing it to his chest and the other landing on her hip drawing her in closer. She places her free hand on his shoulder. She glances at their intertwined hands and then up to his face. Once again his eyes are on her, she feels her heat quicken again and secretly hopes he doesn't feel the sudden effect he is having on her in this moment.

"Harvey," she gets out in barely a whisper, "You're starring again."

"It's hard not to," She blushes at his words and then decides to gently lay her head in the crook of his neck as they sway to the music.

After a few moments, she can feel him tense up a bit. She moves her head so that their cheeks are touching and she can whisper in his ear, because she knows that he doesn't want to make this day about him in the slightest when it's all about the start to the rest of the lives of Mr. and Mrs. Ross. "What's wrong?"

She hears him sigh and pull her in a little closer if that was even possible. She doesn't fight it and relaxes into him even more. "I'm just thinking about all the risks we've taken the past few days with the whole trying to get Mike into the BAR thing and the promise I made Rachel about it. And it's just…" He sighs once again, "Let's not talk about it right now. I don't want to bring it up when tonight is supposed to be a celebration of happiness and love." He places a quick and gentle kiss on the top of her head. He never shows that type of affection towards her, but she chalks it up to all the love that is in the atmosphere tonight.

The music suddenly changes and Donna hears Rachel calling her name to go dance with her. She slowly pulls away from Harvey and gives him another small smile. He nods telling her he knows that their conversation is not over and will be continued late. She feels his eyes on her as she walks towards Rachel and she secretly wishes that she didn't have to leave his embrace.

The small crowd of people gather downstairs to wish the newlyweds off as they depart for their honeymoon. As Rachel and Mike are giving their last goodbyes, a slight breeze arrives and she shivers a bit. He must have saw her shake, because before she realizes what is happening, there is a large coat around her shoulders. She looks up to Harvey and whispers a "Thanks". He just nods and turns his attention back to the couple of the evening.

Eventually, everyone goes back upstairs to gather their belongings. Harvey says his last goodbye to Jessica and wishes her safe travels as her and Jeff would be going back to Chicago in the morning. She can hear him sigh as he closes the front door and saunters back into his living room where she is sitting on his couch waiting for him to join her.

He looks exhausted; the past week has drained him and she could tell he was just trying to put up a façade for the wedding. And it worked for the majority of the people present; she is pretty sure she was the only one who could tell something was plaguing his mind all night and that he was trying to fight it. He sits down on the couch next to her and she turns to face him tucking her legs in underneath her. She feels the need to reach out and touch him, but she remains still waiting for him to make a move or at least say something.

After a minute or two, he finally looks at her; the exhaustion and plethora of emotion evident in his eyes. He opens his mouth like he is about to say something, but then closes it again. She reaches over to grab his hand and interlaces their fingers together. He looks down at their hands and moves his thumb in soothing circles against her hand. She can't tell if this is him trying to calm down her or himself.

She finally breaks the silence, "Harvey," she pauses once again. "Everyone is gone. It's just me now. So please…" She doesn't really know how to finish that sentence, but hopes it's enough for him to open up to her about whatever is on his mind.

He looks up at her and sighs once again, "It's just…" he pauses trying to find the words, "I've been busting my ass these past few weeks to get Mike into the BAR and we took all of these risks. Riskier moves than what I usually make because the kid deserves it; he deserves to be a lawyer after everything he has been through. I owe him that much. Hell, I owe him my life for going to prison for me and not turning me in when he had Rachel. And what did I have? I didn't have a fiancé waiting for me at home and a life with her ahead of me, and he put that all on hold because he didn't want to trade my life for his. And I did it, Donna. I got him in. He's going to be a lawyer."

She smiles, "Harvey. That's great, but then why have you been so down all day today."

He chuckles lightly, "You're Donna, you should know why," She smiles even bigger in response waiting for him to continue. "Mike put his life on hold knowing Rachel would be waiting for him on the other side of it all. They got through all of that shit and got married today. It got me thinking. There was a reason I didn't fight Mike in the first place and try to turn myself in. That's because of you, because you have faith in me and that as much shit as we have been through, you've stayed by my side through most of it for 13 years. There aren't enough words to describe how grateful I am for you and what you have done for my life."

"You've made it pretty hard though sometimes. I don't know if you know this, but you can be a bit of an ass," She jokes trying to lighten up the mood.

He smiles, "And yet you're still here." He stares into her eyes and she can tell that he's having an inner debate with himself about something. "You have been a constant presence in my life and I'll be the first to admit I may have taken you for granted on more than a few occasions. You know I'm not really that great with the whole talking about my feelings thing, but you know these things without me having to tell you, so you have to know Donna that I'm in love with you." She gasps a little and her breath gets caught in her throat. "I'm pretty sure I've almost always been in love with you. I forced myself to hide it because of your rule and I figured having you in my life, even if it was only professionally, was better than not having you in my life at all, because we both know I would've screwed it up back then if we did take that leap."

"Harvey," she whispers, but he just keeps talking.

"My focus for a while there was to get Mike out of that hellhole and once again you were there every step of the way. You always are. And then these past few weeks it has really hit me as Mike was telling me about all of the wedding planning and I found myself thinking what I would be doing if I was in his position. Specifically, who I would be doing it with. And every time I think about it there is only one person I could see standing across from me. You. It's always been you Donna" She can feel the tears start to fill her eyes as she still finds herself unable to speak.

"Please don't cry. Unless those are happy tears," He chuckles as he takes his free hand and reaches up to her face gently swiping tears that are slowly falling down her cheeks. He keeps his hand there for a few seconds and she leans into it. After a few moments of silence, he whispers and she can sense the vulnerability in his words, "Please say something."

She is still speechless and just stares at him for a few seconds before slowly leaning forward until her lips meet his. The kiss doesn't go further than just lips on lips and he doesn't push it to go any further either. She knows he doesn't want to push her; he is still a bit hesitant as her lips move against his. She pulls away, but their foreheads remain touching. She doesn't feel like she needs to say anything at this point, because he should know how she feels. So she stands up their hands still intertwined and walks them both to his bedroom.

She reaches the front of his bed, turns around to him, and slowly kisses him once again. She starts to loosen his tie and unbutton his shirt. She can tell he is still questioning if she really wants this as his hands freeze when he is about to unzip her dress. He whispers, "Are you sure?"

She looks into his eyes and the vulnerability that is there makes her heart melt. She just nods and kisses him again pushing her body closer into his like they did when they were dancing. He unzips her dress and it falls to the ground. He takes a step back and looks at her taking her all in. She surprisingly doesn't feel self-conscious under his gaze, but rather beautiful. He then lifts her up and gently places her on the bed and climbs over her.

Everything was slow; they couldn't have this be just another fuck for them. They made love that night. After their breathing had slowed down and had gotten back to normal, Donna turned onto her stomach and rested her head on her arm that she placed atop Harvey's chest. She immediately blushes at the way he is looking at her, all of the love in his eyes.

"I love you too," She whispers. He smiles and leans down to place a chaste kiss on her lips.

He pulls back after a few moments before the kiss could turn into something more once again, "Donna, I just want you to know that no matter what, I will always love you. No matter what idiotic decisions I make. My love for you will be our new constant."

She smiles, "I will never stop loving you. Never." She flips them over so he was laying on top of her. They both ensured that the other knew just how much love they felt all night long.

She woke up the next morning with a smile on her face and silently asked herself if last night actually happened. She turns around and is met with cold, empty sheets next to her. "Harvey," she whispers getting out of bed and putting on his dress shirt that was laying on the floor. She looks for him in the bathroom and makes her way to the kitchen, and when she doesn't find him there, "Harv?" she asks again a little louder this time, his name echoing throughout his rather large condo.

She looks around the kitchen and sees an envelope sitting on the kitchen table with her name on it. In his handwriting. Her heart immediately drops and tears start to form in her eyes. She tries to take a few breaths to try to calm herself down. She slowly opens the letter and it isn't too long before she completely loses it.

 _Donna,_

 _This is not how I wanted last night to end. Not in the slightest bit. I hope you won't hate me after you read this and it sinks in what I have done, but there is something I left out last night. I may have gotten Mike into the BAR, but there was a price to pay for it all. Let's face it, it's been a long time coming for when I finally face all of the horrible things I've done over the years. I don't know how long my sentence will be or if I'll even be going to jail at all, but by the time you read this I will have turned myself in._

 _You're probably mad that I didn't tell you sooner, but yesterday wasn't about me it was about Mike and Rachel. Their love. And then last night happened and it wasn't my intention in the slightest to leave you like this after we finally took that step. I had just hoped that I would let you know how I felt and that would be that, because of your rule or whatever, but I don't regret it at all. I need you to believe me when I say that._

 _Last night was the best night of my life. I have never felt more loved or in sync with another person ever before. You complete me Donna. The connection we share is so special and I hope this doesn't ruin it. The last thing I want to do is make you feel like you should put your life on hold to wait for me, so I'm not going to ask you to. However, I hope that you do as selfish as that sounds. The only thing that is going to get me through this is the thought of little Donnas and Harveys running around in however many years and that hopefully I will get the honor to call you "Mrs. Specter" one day. I hope you wait, but I will hopefully survive if you don't. Just know that I love you Donna. I am in love with you. And I will love you to the ends of the earth and beyond._

 _I am so sorry for everything. I love you._

 _Harvey_

She slid down the side of the counter. She couldn't stop herself from crying. " _That idiot_ " she thought. How could he do this. She wanted to hate him, but she couldn't. She loved him. More than anything, so she would wait. She would wait for him, because she will never be happy with a life without Harvey Specter in it no matter how long she would have to wait for that life to start.

 **AN: Ahhhh. I have struggled so much with the ending, because if I was a reader, I felt like I would want there to be a happy ending, but this was my original idea and I couldn't go back on it. I might do a part two when I find time again and that will have a happier ending trust me.**

 **I hope you all liked it otherwise! I'm always open to any constructive criticism you could throw my way so feel free to review! Thanks for reading!**


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